Family Law: The Fame You Will Encounter

BY Jason Brown

My first job out of law school? Insurance defense for a mid-sized firm in Minneapolis. Enjoyable group, but I needed something more intriguing than talking to claims adjusters on the phone all day. Don’t get me wrong, they’re good people. But, I wanted to work with someone more intriguing…like celebrities. Luckily I’ve had the privilege of representing quite a few in my family practice:

1. Lady Gaga: A good deal of time spent figuring out what planet they are from.
2. Keith Richards: Carefree and chemically amused. Ever try explaining the simplest concept to a brick wall with the hope it understands? Ahh, ya man.
3. Prince: Doesn’t want to reveal anything. How frustrating when your own client won’t return calls and follow up when you ask for documents. You’ve got to help me help you!
4. Pheobe Buffay: Innocent and out of the loop. Have their spouse offer a sworn statement of assets and liabilities to protect you and your client, and remind them of the concepts of contempt and perjury.
5. Scarecrow/Tinman/Lion: No heart, no courage and no brain.  Afraid of what the court will ultimately impose upon them and resort to idiotic tactics designed to get their spouse to settle for nothing.
6. Howie Mandell: Loves to play games. E-mail monitoring. Telephone recording. Mail interception. GPS tracking. I constantly remind them that Minnesota is a no-fault divorce state.
7. Simon Cowell: Cynical and ruthless. The world is a dark, ugly place…even when you perform well in court.
8. Jan Brady: Marcia, Marcia, Marcia! Hang on the for the emotional roller coaster and expect a daily crisis.
9. Hillary Clinton: Smart and independent, with a cheating spouse.
10. Triple H: Tough as nails. Takes a position and doesn’t budge. Try negotiation with that.

Of course, there are others, but these are the biggest names that come to mind. I guess Ken Abdo and Susan Rhode aren’t the only ones in town lawyering to the stars.

On a more serious note, if you’re game for a dynamic cast of characters day in and day out, family law may just be your thing. The facts of many cases look pretty similar, but the really interesting, challenging and rewarding part of the work is the human interaction.